School
'The wonder years'
How do you hide in plain sight when you are trying to balance being true to yourself, trying to make friends and learn all at the same time and being four years old?
Most people don't send their kids to school at four years old anymore, and many don't have them repeat grade six. Its just too stressful for everyone, it certainly was for me.
But the silver lining was it was the very first fork in the road moment for me, where it was plainly obvious that my life was going to take a different path by this one simple decision.
In that 52 weeks as an 11 year old, I picked up an obscure musical instrument called an oboe, and that instrument took me on an unexpected journey to another new school that would provide more opportunity that I could ever expect.
If you can be at school, great, but what happens if you cant?
Finances and school - are they linked?
Schooling in Australia, whether you are at a government, catholic, or independent school will cost you something. From uniforms, to books and camps and excursions, there is a cost involved in educating your children. However, there are complexities around the neurodivergent child's school experience which remain hidden just like the neurodivergent condition itself.
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School can't' (otherwise known as school refusal) affects many neurodivergent families. The real world consequences of this issue means that parents forego full time work, and some need exit the workforce entirely. As a community based financial counsellor, I have seen many of my clients leave work to support their kids through school can't phases or have removed the student from the schooling system all together to provide homeschooling as an alternative at some point in time.
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It's a tricky phase to manage when the student is half in a half out and in some states not going to school results in legal system intervention and causes significant amount of stress beyond just having your child not attending school.
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Covid 19 shone a light on the high levels of school can't in our community and dedicated support groups cropped up on social media - some of which now have a waitlist for parents to join to get support and feel listened to. In my own experience, when our family went through school can't, I know that without my employer being incredibly flexible work from home now an option on the table thanks to covid, I was able manage to school can't to an extent without having to leave my job - and if I hadn't, well I wouldn't be writing this today, my life would have again taken a different path.
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It can be devastating to watch your child in constant fight, flight, or freeze unable to move forward with their education and everyone around you telling you, just send them, they will be find when they get here. Only to know that when the child gets home, they will be exhausted, withdrawn or angry and to do it again the next day will result in an increased stress response again and many tears shed by all.
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I have seen improvement in our local school since my child moved on, with increased mental health supports and dedicated areas and staff. At the time we went through our challenges, the school psychologist employed by the department of education was a part timer and was spread across the entire council area of schools. Having mental health support within school grounds gives me hope that more children can remain in school in a supportive environment and moments of stress in the education setting can be addressed at the time, rather than the child coming home and informing the parent of what went and then there being a convoluted pathway to resolution.
What I would still love to see is school house the supports that all kids need, like speech therapy and occupational therapy as part of the school community, this means that the kids who do need that support are not using their afterschool time for therapy and instead can do what many children do and enjoy their weekends playing sport or engaging in other recreational pursuits. The flow on effect of this is that parents can return to the workplace if they choose as they know that support for kids is integrated into the school system and they don't need to use personal leave days to manage ongoing appointments for allied health appointments on an ongoing basis. Or at least let's have the option.
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